Every Age Deserves Safety: Consent and Sexual Assault

Sexual violence can affect people at every age

In light of the recent news generating from sexual violence all over the country, I've once again been talking with my sons about sexual violence and consent. While I understand that this is a critical matter for our young people on college campuses across the country, I think it’s equally important to recognize that sexual violence can affect people at any age, in any setting, and within any type of relationship.

When sexual violence makes headlines, public conversations often focus on a particular incident, age group, or environment. But sexual violence is not limited to college campuses, dating relationships, or any one stage of life. It can happen during childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and later life. Helping young people understand this broader reality is an important part of teaching them to recognize consent, identify boundary violations, and understand that sexual violence can take many forms.

Sexual violence involves sexual activity or contact without freely given consent. Understanding what consent means—and recognizing when it is absent—is essential to prevention, regardless of someone’s age, relationship status, or circumstances.

The Numbers Tell an Important Story

The numbers are sobering. In the United States, CDC survey data estimate that nearly half of women—45.1%—have experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime, and more than one in five—21%—have experienced completed or attempted rape. The CDC also reports that more than four in five female rape survivors were first raped before age 25, and nearly half were first raped before age 18. These are survey estimates, not a complete count: sexual violence is underreported, and the survey didn’t include people under 18.

And it doesn’t only happen to young people. Older adults can also experience sexual abuse, including unwanted touching, sexual contact, or non-contact sexual acts. The CDC estimates that about one in 10 older adults living at home experiences some form of abuse. That figure includes many kinds of abuse and many cases go unreported.

The circumstances can look very different from one person’s experience to another: abuse by a family member or trusted adult during childhood; assault in a dating, social, or campus setting; coercion or assault by a partner or acquaintance; harassment or unwanted contact at work or online; or abuse by a caregiver or another trusted person later in life.

There is no single story of sexual violence, and there is no single profile of a survivor.

What consent can look like at different ages

Consent means freely choosing to take part in a specific activity. It should be informed and ongoing, and a person can change their mind at any time. Being in a relationship, or having said yes before, doesn’t mean someone has agreed now. And someone who is asleep, unconscious, or too impaired to understand what’s happening or make a choice can’t meaningfully consent.

The way we talk about consent should fit a person’s age and circumstances:

Children and younger teens: I believe it’s important to teach body autonomy, that they can say no to unwanted touch, and that they can tell a trusted adult if something feels wrong. Children should hear clearly that an adult’s boundary violation is never their fault.

Older teens and young adults: We can talk about communicating clearly, respecting boundaries, handling pressure, and navigating digital images and messages. It’s also important to discuss how alcohol or drugs can affect someone’s ability to make choices. Saying yes to one thing doesn’t mean saying yes to something else.

Adults: Consent matters in every relationship, including marriage and long-term partnerships. I think checking in, listening, and stopping when someone changes their mind, or seems unable to participate freely, are basic parts of respecting a partner.

Older adults: Getting older doesn’t take away someone’s right to bodily autonomy, intimacy, or respect.

Ask before touching someone or helping with personal care, and take their concerns seriously. If someone has a cognitive or communication disability, support them in expressing their preferences rather than making assumptions about what they can decide. Being a caregiver, staff member, or family member doesn’t give anyone permission to cross their boundaries.

Preventing Sexual Violence Is Not the Survivor’s Responsibility

When we talk about sexual violence, it is essential that we place responsibility where it belongs: on the person who chooses whether to respect another person’s boundaries.

Sexual violence is not caused by what someone wore, whether they drank alcohol, their relationship history, their age, or whether they fought back. A person does not have to resist physically, say the perfect words, or respond in a particular way for their experience to matter.

Prevention requires us to challenge harmful beliefs, teach consent, recognize coercion, and hold people accountable for their choices.

It also requires us to stop treating survivors as though they could have prevented someone else’s actions by behaving differently.

What counseling for survivors might look like

Counseling should move at the survivor’s pace. A therapist might start by asking what the person wants help with, then work together on things like sleep, anxiety, coping, trauma responses, or relationships. A survivor doesn’t have to share every detail to deserve support. They can share only what feels manageable, ask for a break, or look for a different therapist if the fit doesn’t feel right. Healing can look different for everyone, and it doesn’t always happen in a straight line.

Support can be adapted for children, teens, adults, and older adults. That might mean involving a safe caregiver for a child, or paying attention to accessibility, communication, memory, and safety needs for an older adult. Survivors may also choose to seek medical care or talk with an advocate. Those options can be available whether or not someone wants to report to law enforcement.

Support Is Available

If you or someone you care about has experienced sexual violence, you do not have to navigate the next steps alone.

In the United States, RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline offers confidential support by phone at 800-656-HOPE (4673), through online chat at RAINN’s website, or by texting HOPE to 64673. If someone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services.

You do not have to know exactly what to say, have all the answers, or be ready to make a particular decision before reaching out for support.

I believe every survivor deserves to be heard, supported, and given choices—no matter their age or when or how the harm happened.

Every survivor deserves to be heard, believed, supported, and given choices. Their age does not diminish their experience, and the circumstances do not determine whether they deserve care.